Cliques in the Classroom

Happy Superbowl Sunday everyone. Any other teachers out there that have no desire to drink and stay out late tonight because you know you have to deal with kids tomorrow morning? Oh yes, that’s me.

Today I’d like to discuss the topics of cliques in the classroom. Normally I think cliques are considered a bad thing. They are a group of students who only hang out with each other, and really are not welcoming at all of other children. Sometimes cliques may even be mean to children outside their clique. Shockingly, cliques, by this definition, do at times exist in kindergarten. Fortunately, I can usually nip them in the bud by talking to the kids, the parents, and changing up my seating arrangement etc.

However, what about “groups” within the classroom? Kids that generally play together during every choice time and recess. They are not particularly unkind to other children, they just prefer to play with each other. Truthfully, I feel that “groups” are also considered negative in the elementary environment. Often teachers will purposely separate kids from their friends so they will meet new children and build new friendships. I see the purpose of this and I definitely advocate for children knowing how to begin and cultivate a friendship. But, do we sometimes take this too far? For some children, might it be important to have one or two friends they know they can always count on? (as much as you can count on a friend at this age when they are known to scream, “I am not your friend anymore!” over a stolen lego piece…).
In my own elementary school experience I had two ongoing friendships. One was with a friend from preschool. She lived in the town next to mine, where I lived until right before kindergarten. We had playdates once a week for most of elementary school. We shared no common friends, or classes- but we just got along so well and she was my “best friend” for many years. My other ongoing friendship was with a next door neighbor who was in the same school as me, but one grade below. She was the friend I would play with afterschool and on the weekends, and it required no effort, we just met in the backyard 🙂 In school and in my classes I did not have these kind of ongoing friendships. Sure, I had friends, but then inevitably the teachers would separate us the next year and we would rarely see each other and we’d make new friends…only to start the process over the next year.

My guess is I probably learned something from switching friends so often. However, at the time I don’t think I saw it that way. I also wonder if I still might be the same (though maybe slightly happier in elementary school) if I had not been separated from my friends each year. Are children from small towns at a disadvantage because they stay with the same class for years at a time?

My struggle now is deciding what to do about my own students. One of the greatest things about kindergarten is that I get to see so many friendships develop over the year. But then, I have to decide if I will allow the students to easily continue that friendship into the next school year or if I will leave it up to their parents to schedule outside of school playdate times…Sometimes the decision is clear. Often friends are not very good for each other and I know it will be a benefit for them, and the teacher, if I separate them. Sometimes friends are very clearly good for each other and I know it will be good for the teacher and the students if they stay together. I once had two boys like this, one could be a bit of a trouble maker, and the other was a model student. Trouble maker thought Model Student was the coolest kid in the world and acted much better when Model Student was around and playing with him. I put the two students together in first grade, and that teacher put them together again in second grade. Apparently, it’s still working out.

But what to do about other students where they aren’t particularly great or particularly bad for each other? I have two girls this year that are very clearly best friends. They play with lots of other kids, but they also play with each other. I think they are good for each other because they avoid “girl drama” together and one motivates the other in terms of academics. However, they are both social girls, so am I limiting them by allowing them to spend more time together next year? Will we ever know?

What do you guys think? Do you tend to separate students from their friends so they will make new friendships? Or do you want students to have the comfort and security of ongoing friendships that last several years?